I won't tell anyone you have splinters in your mouth as long as you don't tell anyone I have a wodden dick!

My name is pinocchio, sit on my face and i'll tell you a lie.

Shake the hand that shook Napoleans, (point to your dick), now shake Napolean.

I've got a gun in my trousers if you lend me those 2 bullets you have in your Bra I'll shoot my load all over you!

I had a dream about you last night, you owe me a set of sheets.

You will be like a broken washing machine when you've seen my tackle, dripping....

My friend over there thinks you're having a bad hair day but I think it's unfair to judge you just by what's on your head.

Honey, I've got just the thing that will fit between those gaps in your teeth.

If you think I'm fat now just wait until I've eaten you! - Thanks to Darragh, in Ireland!

I need to take a shower, want to come?

Your ass is as firm as a basketball. Mind if I dribble on it?

My name's Gym! Want to pump up some muscle?!

You look like someone with taste. I'd like to experience your flavour.

You look like someone with taste. How about tasting me.

There's a gap in your life! Mind if I fill it!

Glad to see me, or shall I get the mop ??

You look like someone with taste. Want to recommend a colour for my bedroom ceiling.

Cough! Cough! Help me. I hear pussy juice is good for a sore throat.

I'm a taxidermist. I stuff beaver and pussy.

Hi, i'm a qualified breast tester. (squeeze) don't mind me, just checkin the produce. Good and firm. I don't usually take my work home, but i'm gonna make an exception for you

Do you know how to make a man have an orgasm? Yes! Great I'll come home with you. - Thanks to Craig from Newcastle-upon-Tyne.

I'd drag my dick over 10 miles of broken beer bottles, just Jack-Off on your shadow!

I would eat a mile of your shit just to bite your arse! - Thanks to Brian and Joni for this one!

Wanna play Pearl Harbor? That's where I lay down and you blow the hell out of me.

What tastes bad, is white and sticky? Mayonnaise dumb ass.

Can I smell your Pussy? No! Well it must be your feet then!

Hey let's go fuck and do the talking later.

If I told you I loved you, would you fuck me forever?

Put you lippers on my zipper.

Tripped over any tree stumps lately? No! How about a root? - Thanks to Amy from Down Under for this!!!!

Do you have any indian in you.... Bend over and I will put it in-da-u.

You have a snot in your nose mind if i suck it out?

Girl, how long have you been in the oven, cause I know I felt something rising.

Please excuse me if I appear erect. I am.

I don't have to stop and reload.

When you told me to fuck off was that a no?

I once went through 4 condoms in one night of masturbating.

Would you like to go out for supper? Sure! Do you wanna be desert. - Thanks to Glenn from Canada!

Hey let's take a bus ride, you sit on my lap then I'll get off, then I'll go home.

Do you have any Irish (or what ever nationality you are) in you? Would you like some?

Will you suck a fart out of my arse? - Thanks to Brain and Joni for this!

You look more delicious than my Grandmother's homemade chocolate chip cookies.

I think I'm falling in love with you. Now do you want to fuck?

Hey baby, what's your sign? Mine's 'Slippery When Wet.

Hey baby you probably don't recognize me bacause last time you saw me I wasn't wearing any clothes.

Fingers or toys?

Is it true things go stiff when they die? Yes!Christ, put your hand down my trousers I think I'm dying! Dedicated to Sonja from Eric (UK)

Do you want to see something swell?

Was your father a cement layer? Because your making me hard.

Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Have you ever had your belly-button licked? Yes. From the inside?

Your daddy must be a drug dealer, cause baby your dope! - Thanks to Scott in Wisconsin (U.S.A.)

Hey do you like chinese food......Yes/No.......who cares lets fuck!!!!

EY baby, I must be a light switch 'cause every time I see you, you turn me on!!!

Is that a double ended dilldo or are you just glad to see me?

I have a twelve inch tongue and can breathe through my ears.

I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?

Baby, you're a sex crime waiting to happen.

Honey, your like Walmart. Your open 24 hours a day.

You know, I had a sexual fantasy last night, and you made a guest appearance, I just want to know are you as good in reality...

Hey babe, do you realise that my mouth can generate over 750psi?

Is that a tic-tac in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

I'm a pilot. Can I see your cockpit?

You say to a girl "What shags like a Tiger, and Winks?", and then Wink at her! - Thanks to my Brother James for that one!

Get a calling card which reads: "Smile if you want to sleep with me!" then watch the victim try to hold back her smile...

Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing what pops up!

That shirt is very becoming of you, of course, if I were that shirt I would be coming on you too.

I'm not Jesus, but the size of my cock is a miracle.

Do you need a ride? I'll give you a ride and then I'll take you home.

Is that a ladder in your stocking or a stairway to heaven? - Thanks to Cookie from down under.

Hey, wanna see my R2-D2 impersonation? (Think about it...)

Hey baby, can you suck a golf ball through a 50ft garden hose?

Damn!!!!! I'd drag my dick through 6 miles of glass just to suck the dick that FUCKED you last!

Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want.

Hey baby, let's go back to my place to listen to some music. If you don't like the music you can always put your clothes back on and get the fuck out!!

I would like 2 study your pussy, Baby. - Thanks to Terri for this!

Pardon me miss, but if you have lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?

Hey! Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'

Treat me like a tent and put me up for the night. - Thanks to Jeremy

What can I do to make you sleep with me?

If we were squirrels could I bust a nut in your hole?

Ride me like the pony you never got for Christmas.

You're ugly, but in an erotic kinda way.

You've been a bad boy go to my room! - Thanks to Bill from down-under!

I would die happy if I saw you naked just once.

Are you a true blonde, if you are, will you prove it to me - if you don't get a smack in the mouth, your in!

** ONE FOR US IN THE UK LAST SUMMER AND PROBABLY THIS ONE ** HI, fancy saving some water, and sharing a shower with me. It's not just for me, but for the whole nation!

Do you know how to make a man have an orgasm? No! You'll be a natural. - Thanks to Craig from Newcastle-upon-Tyne.

Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?

Will you suck your finger erotically please.

You would look great with 150 more lbs. on you. Hey, I'm 150 lbs.

I want to fuck you all night long and after that you can fuck me all day long!